Steps to Stay Emotionally Sound During a Divorce

March 22, 2017
jwilson2022
If you or a loved one are entering, thinking about, or need advice regarding your divorce. Call Deborah Besserman, Edwardsville Divorce Lawyer and Edwardsville personal injury attorney, she would like to help you.  Call today for a free consultation.  

Ask yourself, "What Is occurring, how do I feel today?" Additionally it is advisable to take a physical inventory that is day-to-day. Make sure you're eating healthful foods and getting regular exercise.

Wake up daily, place your feet on the ground and do something with your day that will propel you forwards instead of keep you stuck. Life does not come to a stop only because you're going through a divorce, not unless you let it. Follow a routine should you stay home with your children and concentrate on doing what must be done to get you as well as your youngsters through another day.

An angry ex will not mean you must become upset. How you feel doesn't need to be ordered by the way you are treated by your ex. Return furious glares using a grin. In the enthusiasm of the moment, you may want to protect your position or yourself. Prevent that which isn't and an excellent rule of thumb when dealing with an angry ex-husband will be to react to whatever is helpful to your life. It is important to understand that no one has power unless you give them that power over how you feel emotionally.

It is time to set targets that can assist you to achieve the life you would like to live moving forward in life. Make a strategy, list your goals and begin taking action that will transfer you in a way that is positive.

When a marriage ends, it's time to clean up the present along with the past. You can not move forward favorably if you do not take responsibility for your part in the marital breakdown. Take care of problems that are previous, which means you do not take bags into the future with you. Take care of problems that are current to live a more harmonious life.

I have discussed with many people who are resentful and upset years after their divorce was final. They have an explanation, a reason behind holding onto their anger. Holding onto anger is an indication of failure and weakness. This is supposed to not be acceptable to you personally as a person. You won't ever get over it and get on with living, should you spend your life attempting to get even with a person who damages you. That person you're upset with has moved on, should you let anger hold you back, they haven't neglected you, you have failed yourself.

You've got no room in your life for self-pity or remorse. Do not let the little setbacks prevent you from moving forward. With each success you experience you'll become stronger and much more confident in your skills. With each accomplishment, you also become more knowledgeable about the thing you should do next and who you are.

Successful people keep their eyes straight ahead; they're always moving forward. Every step is a move in the correct path. Look to judge where you have been in a relationship to where you need to go.

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FAMILY LAW • DIVORCE • CUSTODY • SUPPORT

Family Law FAQs — Organized by State

These frequently asked questions cover common divorce and family law issues in Missouri and Illinois. Each question is clearly labeled by state so updates remain easy to track over time. This page is general educational information and not legal advice.

Laws and outcomes vary. Talk with an attorney to understand options for your specific facts and jurisdiction.

Divorce Basics

Filing, no-fault rules, timing, and separation requirements—labeled by state.

MISSOURI How do I file for divorce in Missouri?
To file for divorce in Missouri, at least one spouse must have lived in Missouri for 90 days before filing. Divorce cases are filed in the circuit court of the county where either spouse resides.
MISSOURI Is Missouri a no-fault divorce state?
Yes. Missouri is a no-fault state. You do not have to prove adultery, abuse, or wrongdoing—only that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.”
MISSOURI How long does a divorce take in Missouri?
Missouri has a minimum 30-day waiting period, but most divorces take 3–12 months, depending on custody disputes, property issues, and court schedules.
MISSOURI Do I need my spouse’s permission to get divorced?
No. One spouse can file for divorce even if the other objects.
ILLINOIS How do I file for divorce in Illinois?
One spouse must have lived in Illinois for at least 90 days before filing. Cases are filed in the circuit court of the appropriate county.
ILLINOIS Is Illinois a no-fault divorce state?
Yes. Illinois only allows no-fault divorce based on irreconcilable differences.
ILLINOIS How long does a divorce take in Illinois?
Uncontested divorces can be finalized in as little as a few months, while contested cases often take 9–18 months.
ILLINOIS Do we have to be separated before divorcing?
Illinois law presumes irreconcilable differences if spouses have lived apart for 6 months, but the court's no longer require an affidavit of living separately for any length of time.

Property & Finances

Equitable distribution, the house, retirement accounts, and maintenance/alimony.

MISSOURI Is Missouri a community property state?
No. Missouri follows equitable distribution, meaning marital property is divided fairly—not necessarily 50/50.
MISSOURI What counts as marital property in Missouri?
Generally, assets acquired during the marriage—including income, retirement accounts, and real estate—are marital property, regardless of whose name is on them.
MISSOURI Who gets the house in a Missouri divorce?
There’s no automatic rule. Courts consider factors like financial contributions, custody arrangements, and each spouse’s ability to maintain the home.
MISSOURI Will I have to pay spousal maintenance (alimony)?
Possibly. Missouri courts look at need, ability to pay, length of marriage, and earning capacity. Maintenance can be temporary or long-term.
ILLINOIS Is Illinois a community property state?
No. Illinois follows equitable distribution, not automatic 50/50 division.
ILLINOIS What is considered marital property in Illinois?
Most assets and debts acquired during the marriage, regardless of title.
ILLINOIS How are retirement accounts divided?
Often through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO)—errors here can be extremely expensive.
ILLINOIS Will I receive or pay maintenance (alimony)?
Illinois uses statutory guidelines based on income, marriage length, and financial need, though courts may deviate.

Child Custody & Support

Best-interest standards, parenting time, and how support is calculated.

MISSOURI How is child custody decided in Missouri?
Custody decisions are based on the best interests of the child, considering stability, parental involvement, and the child’s needs.
MISSOURI Does Missouri favor mothers in custody cases?
No. Missouri law is gender-neutral. Courts often favor arrangements that allow frequent and meaningful contact with both parents.
MISSOURI What types of custody exist in Missouri?
  • Legal custody (decision-making)
  • Physical custody (where the child lives)
Both can be joint or sole.
MISSOURI How is child support calculated?
Missouri uses Form 14, which considers income, parenting time, healthcare costs, and childcare expenses.
ILLINOIS Does Illinois still use the term “custody”?
No. Illinois now uses allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time.
ILLINOIS How does Illinois decide parenting time?
Based on the best interests of the child, including stability, cooperation, and each parent’s involvement.
ILLINOIS Can a child choose which parent to live with?
A child’s wishes may be considered, but no child decides custody outright.
ILLINOIS What happens if one parent violates the parenting schedule?
Courts can impose fines, modify parenting time, or hold the parent in contempt.
ILLINOIS How is child support calculated in Illinois?
Illinois may use an income shared model, considering both parents’ income and time with the child based on overnights.
ILLINOIS Does parenting time affect child support?
Yes. Overnights and shared parenting significantly impact calculations.
ILLINOIS Can child support be modified?
Yes, if there’s a substantial change in circumstances (job loss, income change, medical issues).

Special & High-Conflict Issues

Pregnancy, hidden assets, relocation, domestic violence, and enforcement.

MISSOURI Can I get divorced while pregnant in Missouri?
Yes, but courts may delay final custody decisions until after birth.
MISSOURI What if my spouse is hiding assets?
Courts can impose penalties, reopen judgments, and award additional property if concealment is proven.
MISSOURI Can I move out with my children during a divorce?
This can seriously impact custody. Always talk to an attorney before relocating.
MISSOURI Do I need a lawyer for an uncontested divorce?
Legally no—but mistakes can be costly and irreversible, especially with property and custody.
ILLINOIS What if there is domestic violence?
Illinois courts can issue Orders of Protection immediately and prioritize safety.
ILLINOIS Can I move out of state with my child after divorce?
Relocation may require court approval or parental agreement depending upon the mileage involved.
ILLINOIS What if my spouse won’t cooperate?
Courts can compel disclosure, enforce deadlines, and impose sanctions.
ILLINOIS Do I really need a lawyer if we “agree on everything”?
Many people think they agree—until tax consequences, retirement, or future enforcement becomes an issue.

Want answers specific to your situation?

Get guidance tailored to your facts, goals, and jurisdiction. We’ll help you understand options and next steps.

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Disclaimer: The information on this website is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. No attorney-client relationship is formed by viewing this website. Legal outcomes depend on the facts of each case. Consult a licensed attorney for legal advice regarding your specific situation.
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